up yours!

sick of the heat? 

need more of that shit? 

are you the type of person that is too proud to wear light colors on insanely hot days? who, perhaps, could care less that the thermometer says 80 degrees at 9 AM, later ignoring the ignorant prick who reminds them that the black they are wearing is "not smart" or " 'real cool' ".

would you wear socks near the equator? if only for the reward of taking them off at the end of the day. 

do you enjoy burning up? 

well here is your "fuck you, iowa heat! (excuse me: it's the humidity!)" filler:

1 can of tomato soup
carrot and zucchini or whatever vegetables you want
2 fat cloves of garlic
3 really big shakes of cayenne
2 large squirts of sriracha

summer salad

hello, lovely viewers, to this wonderful food blogging day.

i have escaped to the public library for air conditioning and computer time. it is true that i enjoy hanging at my place of work. and today, it is also true that my computer officially decided to off itself and fried. methinks i can blame the thick iowa heat for that one.

besides that, though, things are nice. i am currently enrolled in a class on emerson and thoreau, though it mainly focuses on thoreau. if you haven't read the walden, you should really read it. i approve. it might have been the walden that influenced me to eat such a healthy lunch of which ingredients are mainly raw. horray for thoreau!

i mean, anybody can make a salad. this entry is literally pointless.





mushrooms
carrot
zucchini
romaine
broccoli
garlic!!!!!!!!!
some kind of asian sesame salad dressing
crushed black pepper
of course, the most important ingredient in anything i make is the garlic. two cloves! if you make this salad and you are planning on making out with somebody during the salad eating-which seems rather odd but i mean do what you gotta do-and you also hate the smell of garlic breath, i will advise you to make out during the beginning stages of the salad eating. i found that most of the garlic fell to the bottom, which was a nice surprise because i do enjoy a garlic clove. or four.

i am simply encouraging you to make the biggest salad you've ever made. such an accomplishment, you will think!


i particularly enjoyed using my saucepan as a bowl. there was no other way!

the incredible pooping banana

tonight i thought about making banana bread or banana cupcakes about fifty times, but instead ended up inventing a snack.

all you need is a banana and chocolate chips. dark chocolate is superior for this, i think, but whatever your hungry stomachs desire.

what i'm talking about here is a pooping banana. that's right, you just smash in a chocolate chip to the banana before you take a delicious bite, and repeat-repeat-repeat.  it's so easy, and totally fun. tell your friends. and your enemies!

okay good night. also, the book you see is seriously great. just another suggestion at one in the morning :)



  

Merry Christmas From The Noonans

Christmas Eve at the Noonan's is literally an unforgettable event. An event that rivals every other holiday experience.  An event, which we suggest, is truly the greatest celebration of Christmas in literally any other part of the world.  The entire world would freak out if they saw how great it really was. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Xjka07o1-0

Some people say things like "A Christmas ham". And we say "Oh, bologna".  And bologna is literally one of the worst things you can put in your body.

This is a picture of my father, Pat Noonan, after he came upstairs with, literally, the nuts and bolts to create happiness. 

That is my mom with her food making headband power, and that's Michael and me preparing sushi.
Actually, I can't take any credit.  Mike made sweet potato&apple sushi and that's me sprinkling sugar on the rice, and then he made cucumber&avocado sushi.  It was literally the best sushi.  In the entire world.  Probably in the entire universe.  Yep.  Definitely the best sushi in the entire universe.

That was some kale chip prepping, and behind are the sugar cookies I frosted.  Yay.

Kale is literally one of the best things you can eat.  Google it. I'll do it for you.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kale

Kale chips:  a couple or so cap fulls of of extra virgin olive oil, and sea salt, and any other spice you'd like.  I just did sea salt.  Bake it at 300 degrees Fahrenheit for 15-20 minutes.

And then, of course, the smoked salmon on nice crackers with cream cheese.  

Fashion shot of my grandma's little plate of delicious appetizers.  I had to tell her to put her plate down so I could get this picture and she literally begged me to not put her in the picture, so of course I didn't because I try to respect people's wishes. Anyways, appetizer plate.  It was simple and amazing.  Simply amazing!

This is dinner.  Steak and shrimp fondue.  This tradition has literally been in the family for decades upon decades.  My mom's family started it.  They are the Peryons.  The Peryons are incredible not only because they passed a family tradition on through my mom, but because the family tradition involved my some of my top two favorite things, in the entire world:  Shrimp and steak!

Also we had caper butter, horseradish sauce, garlic butter, regular butter, and of course, shrimp sauce.

This is a picture of my grandma Peryon in an extremely happy state.  She is my mother's mother and is 50% responsible for that tradition.  The other, of course, was my grand-father, who literally called me "hot-dog" until the day he died.  He was probably one of the funniest guys in the entire universe, obviously, for obvious reasons.  I wasn't ever a hot-dog!

Here is a picture of people eating so you know I'm really not bluffing.  The women wore an extra shirt so they didn't get oil on their shirts from the ridiculously penetrating fondue oil, but I chose not to wear another shirt.  In fact, I have never worn two shirts for Christmas Eve fondue ever, in my entire life.  Coincidentally, I spilled some shrimp sauce on my white shirt while eating.  That was literally the worst thing that could have happened to me at Christmas Eve dinner.  I ran to the faucet right away and tried to wash it away, got very angry, and then gave up.  The shirt is now on my floor, with a disgusting stain on it, and I will never think twice again about wearing an old shirt from my mother to avoid such stains ever again.  She is literally the greatest woman alive for proposing the second shirt.

That's my brother Michael.  And that sweat-shirt in front of us is actually wrapping paper for the gift I gave him. Stay green.  Literally.

The box that looks like clothes was actually a kindle and it was the best thing that could have happened to me at any moment since I started dreaming about it, which was about twenty-seven days ago.  I am now the owner of an amazon touch kindle, and I love my parents very much for giving it to me! And for being my parents, of course.  The kindle is the single most important invention from the year 2011.  

Merry Christmas!

This picture was actually taken the day after Christmas Eve.  My grandma Peryon makes an outstanding bloody mary.  

irish whiskey cookies

is this some sort of scam, ireland? the only christmas cookie you offer is "irish whiskey cookie". i really hated purchasing whiskey to appease the 62% irishness of me........
......

yeah i'll have two..or no..i should probably get three.. 1/4 c. whiskey is actually less than one of those 8oz jim beams. oh well, the more the merrier.

right.

the recipe is here:  http://www.christmas-cookies.com/recipes/recipe334.irish-whiskey-cookies.html

but just to set the record straight, i did not use citron. of course i bought it because it was in the recipe and i can follow rules-but i did not use it. after opening and wearily biting into one of those..things..i uhh, threw them out. besides! chocolate chips are better! so don't buy citron unless you're crazy! use chocolate chips because you're from fucking AMERICA. or substitute anything for citron because THIS IS AMERICA.

things were already crazy because a friend, drew, stopped by with german beer, which caused me to forget about that extra whiskey. we ate batter off our own mixer as a truce.

                                                                           
                                                                          ta-da.

in spirit of the finals season

 

you know what a protein boost is, right? it's kind of like that except it's not one of those nasty shakes. that's cheating.

essentially this dish is one part protein one part vegetables one part sriracha.

might i add that i've made this maybe five times this week?

in other words, it's extremely delicious and the sriracha is extremely necessary.

are you a bowl licker? do you enjoy sucking every last flavor out of everything you eat? well shit. me too! this dish is great for that.

began frying an egg on the stove and after i flipped it over once i added:
red onion
mushrooms
carrot
and tofu

added sea salt and lots of sriracha once it was together.
turned on medium heat and let sizzle & cook for like 5 minutes for still crunchy carrots.

prepped bowl with bed of spinach leaves.
poured shit into the bowl
let sit as it was HOT

i might have added more sriracha.

hey! lick your bowl! don't be shy!

GUARANTEEING A GREAT FINAL EVERY FINAL PERIOD

how many things can you drink from that aren't a cup?

it's kind of, well,

stringy

now's the time more than ever to control those childhood gag reflexes regarding pulpy orange juice.

go about primping your pumpkin yadda yadda yadda, get your hands in there: think of
Amélie when she tells us her guilty pleasures
...

   FOR HOT BUTTER RUM

one stick of butter

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp nutmeg

pinch of cloves

2 cups of brown sugar

a little more than half of a giant bottle of spiced rum because why wouldn't you want to say you got drunk from a pumpkin?
boiling water

now combine the shit out of those aforementioned ingredients!

but don't think we were too stuck up not to get real with it, jiggy with it, down with the sickness, down to earth, and carve four pumpkins this weekend.


and for you iowa citians: new pi co op's pumpkins are cheaper and better than hy vee's!

last but not least: i saw somebody punch a pumpkin last night.